So I am taking the plunge

So I am taking the plunge.

A few years ago, I threatened to start a blog. I did the research into where to post. Asked friends with blogs for advice. Then I sat in front of my computer and did nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Why? I came up with several excuses that worked inside my head: I was too busy with work (which was true). I travel too much for work (also true). I wouldn't know what to write (which was utter bullshit, that MFA I earned in 2001 must mean something).

I didn't start typing because I was afraid and I lacked the motivation. At this point I was hearing the voice of my high school calculus teacher, Mr. Galanor in my head.

"So smart and so unmotivated. What's up with that?" He would say, his long shoulder length hair touching the top of the tweed blazer he would always wear. "I have no doubt you can do the work. I just think you don't want to."

Of course it was calculus and really who wants to do calculus, but that's besides the point. He was right about my lack of motivation then. And because of him I went out of my way to prove him wrong.

I like to believe my motivation is in high gear for certain things - work, friendships, travel. And low for other things, especially for things I fear I may not do well in. Writing somehow became one of them. I like to believe it's because I have sat in front of a computer for a majority of my day for work for years but I don't really think that has been it. My fear of being unread is a great de-motivator and I have been wrestling with the fact that no one may read this or anything I write. It's bubbling up even now.

So what has changed? Three things:

First is age - I turned 49 a few weeks ago. That fancy MFA I mentioned earlier, I received it from School of the Art Institute of Chicago more than fifteen years ago. I joke all the time about the novel I wrote for my senior these sitting in a box in my closet. And then I wrote nothing else but pieces for work. I am a master at writing emails, grants, op-eds, and memos. However, ask me to write a short story and I freeze. Transferring the ideas from my head to computer doesn't seem to work. This I have definitely blamed on work but that was just the major excuse I used to feed the de-motivation beast. And I fed it well, and a lot. But now as I get older the word legacy keeps coming up in my mind. We can debate whether or not I have one in another blog, but right now, as a childless, middle-aged, black gay man, it's starting to gnaw at me. What am I leaving behind?

Second is travel - I travel a lot. For work and for fun. More importantly, I'm a black, gay man that travels. Sitting in lounges among the sea of pale faces, I am frequently the only black man in sight. So I wanted to talk about my trips and about what its like at times being one of the few black people I see roaming the world.  This is not to say that my black people don't travel. They do. I see them when I travel. So maybe this is blog is more about exploring me - where I go, why I go there and what I see. I'll go back and ponder trips I have been on, from my first international travel in 1995 to Switzerland and Amsterdam (one of my favorite cities) to my current trip and beyond. I'll even include some work travel musings to boot.

I've been to a lot of places and still have more places to visit. I have the pictures to prove it. I started writing this blog a year ago while on a massive birthday vacation with my friend Albert. We traveled through Malaysia and Vietnam for a few weeks in June and July.  But I never hit send. I chickened out.

Yes, it took me a year to come back to this but change number three happened a few weeks ago. I left my role as CEO of 826 National at the beginning of July. After seven years at one of the best jobs I have had so far, I decided it was time for a change, look for new opportunities, do something new. In this newness I decided to take the summer off. Decompress from seven years of hard work and travel for a month on my own. This blog is starting on day one of this month long trip. Seems fitting.  Currently, I am in the Air New Zealand lounge at the Sydney airport waiting for my flight to Auckland, New Zealand. This current trip I have labeled Walkabout 2017. More on that in later blogs.

So this blog will be the musings of my world and at times the world. Good, bad, sassy. I'm going to try to let it all hangout without censoring myself. If you catch me censoring myself (and you care), please call me on my shit. It means we're friends.